Why some people at work just don’t get on and what we can do to understand this

Chances are, if you work as part of a team, whether you are a line manager or member of a team, you will have experienced disagreements and challenges with colleagues at some point along the way. Sometimes, we just don’t see eye to eye with the people we work with and when we spend more time with our colleagues than anyone else, this can contribute to unhappiness and stress at work.

Understanding ourselves is often the first step in understanding relationship problems at work and personality characteristics can play a big part in this. If you and your colleague don’t share the same values, then this can go some way to explaining why people don’t always get along.

Researchers at Facet5, looked at what was likely to attract people to one another in spousal relationships and found that what mattered the most was that couples shared values about people and relationships. Their research showed that out of all the Facet5 factors (Will, Energy, Affection, Control and Emotionality) it was people’s Affection scores that mattered. The research found that it is important for people in a relationship to share values around trust, support and understanding others. Whether both people are more pragmatic and task focused with a healthy cynicism towards others, more tolerant, understanding and trusting of others, or more moderate and able to display both pragmatism and tolerance, what mattered the most that these values were aligned.

Take this theory into the workplace and apply this to working relationships and it is no surprise that often the biggest relationship problems  at work, are due to differences in how people view others. For example, a tolerant, trusting and supportive colleague is likely to struggle with the pragmatic and sometimes self focused outlook of their boss or team member and vice versa. However, once these differences are identified and understood, teams can start to work with and acknowledge these differences, which is the first and most important step in building effective team relationships.

If you would like to find out more about the dynamics in your team and how we can help, we would love to hear from you. Julie@purple-tulip.com

The full article “Opposites Attract” by Facet5 Author Norman Buckley can be found here http://www.facet5global.com/facet5-solutions/Oppositesattract


Leave a Reply